February 9th, 2006


The Hookman is fucking real??

Who the hell goes around attacking people with a fucking hook? I mean, it's not exactly the most conspicuous weapon out there? And, it's meassy as hell...blood splattering all over walls, furniture, trees, me, and Sam. Speaking of Sam, he met this cute little chick named Lori, I actually thought he stood a chance of at least getting to first base with her, but it turns out that her father is a reverend and she is all virtuous and innocent. And Sam...he's still trying to get over Jessica, so I'll cut him some slack this time.

Anyway, this Hookman bastard was terrorizing Lori...turns out that she was wearing a cross that he been forged out of the silver from Hook's hook...WTF?? Who the hell does that? He killed 13 prostitutes with a hook and the authorities melted it down so that they could make crosses with it...isn't that a bit blasphemous?? Yeah, I know Sam...I actually know a word longer than six letters...you're amazed, I know. Speaking of the cops, those stupid asses arrested me and Sam for trespassing in the woods near the road the Hook stalked at night, and they thought that we were the ones doing the killing or something like that. I mean, how stupid can you be? We were carrying double-barrell shot guns with rock salt NOT wearing a matching set of hooks. Oh, one last thing, this is the last time I will be going to a cemetery at night by myself while Sam stays back with the cute girl...

On a positive note, I did get to go to a college party, crawled into a a girl's dorm room, and snuck a pair of pink-laced panties for my collection...something about silk rubbing up against my crotch gets me hot...probably could have left that fact out but Dad taught me to be thorough when retelling a tale.


Hooks fucking hurt

Went with my jerk ass brother to a place in Iowa that is famous for its fabulous Cappuccinos and the Hookman. Nothing ruins my good buzz from a sweet and strong cappuccino like stories of people getting their guts ripped out by a  one-armed, one-hooked, crazy psychotic bastard.  Dean of course was thrilled as hell that we got to investigate a college dorm room, and I could have sworn that I saw him searching in a girl's panty drawer...maybe I've been gone to long and my brother has turned into a cross-dressing male-slut...

I met this sweet girl named Lori, and if I hadn't been still trying getting over Jessica, I might would have kissed her on the cheek, and possibly held her hand.

Anyway, we cornered the bastard at a church and I got sliced by that damn hook...thrown around a lot, and generally got my ass kicked while Dean took his sweet ass time melting down the silver cross that hung around Lori's necklace. That ass has done nothing but whine and complain because he got a bit dirty at the cemetery while my stomach is oozing blood all over the place..., does that sound right to you?