jerkhunter (jerkhunter) wrote in jerk_bitchunter,

I knew I was sexy but damn!

Okay seriously, there should be a law against being as sexy as I am! I've always had somewhat of a high regard for my looks (some might even call me vain), but this latest case has proven to me that my vanity has been well founded for all these years.

Sam got a call from Rebecca, a college friend, and we were off to St. Louis to investigate a mysterious murder that Rebecca's brother had been accused of. Turns out this thing that killed Rebecca brother's wife looked like him but wasn't him, and of course the oh-so brilliant police caught the brother on a video camera but didn't notice that this thing's eyes flash silver at certain camera angles. Sam and I knew that something wasn't right and began investigating other murders in the area with the same M.O. (woman in her house stabbed to death-husband or boyfriend were arrested and charged for the murder).

We ended up going down in the sewer and figuring out that this thing was a shapeshifter who loses its skin once it has killed, and let me tell you that those skins are some nasty ass shit! They look like something I've puked up from Waffle House when I've had too much to drink. Anyway, this bastard came out of nowhere, hit me over the head, stole my necklace (apparently they need something of their doppelganger to assume their identity), and tied me up in its lair. Meanwhile, Sam was stuck with this beast wearing my skin and realized it pretty quickly, but he still got knocked out as well and was dragged down into the sewer. BTW, in the sewer the shapeshifter said some mean ass shit to my baby brother that I will let him share in his post and went off to kill Rebecca using my skin...What the fuck?! Dude, that is so not cool.

Apparently my better half flirted with Rebecca, got a little rough when she told him to fuck off, and tied her up so he could torture her, but the cops (can you believe they actually did something right?) broke into Rebecca's home, stopped the sexy shapeshifter from killing Rebecca, and guess whose face ended up on the TV wanted for being a serial killer after the bastard had escaped from the cops?

Meanwhile, Sam and I got free and Sam went back to Rebecca's the next day to check in on her, but guess what...the shapeshifter was now using Rebecca's skin and attacked Sam. Of course, this thing immediately shifted back to my skin because it missed my luscious body, and he and Sam beat the shit out of each other for like ten minutes. I waited in the corner watching this kick ass fight, snacked on some popcorn, got a lap dance from Rebecca, and almost forgot that Sammy needed my help, but  in the end I shot the shapeshifting bastard dead and took back my necklace.

In conclusion, I was buried in St. Louis, had my pretty mug plastered all over the newspapers and TV for being a serial killer, and now I can never let the police know that a Dean Winchester with my fingerprints is still alive or my ass will be going to prison for a long long long time. 

Still, I can't help but to think that it would be fun to have two of me again. Imagine what Sammy could do to us both...

It's not everyday you get to look at yourself when you're dead...but damn I'm sexy!
Tags: serial killer, shapeshifter
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